A tiny dialogue between lovers on the victim stance and a more appealing alternative (with diagram!)
Erik: At this point in my life, with hopefully around a third to go, I am only willing to work with people who are up for taking responsibility for writing the script of their life. People who take responsibility in that way are Navigators. In sharp contrast, Victims spend their lives looking for validation and change in the world outside of them. They tend to try and change others.
Amelia: So you’re describing Victim and Navigator as a perspective or a fundamental way of relating to the world?
Erik: Right. It’s not to say that victimization doesn’t happen. I’ve known people who have been horribly victimized but they don’t act from a victim stance. They are Navigators. They take compassionate responsibility for the story of their lives.
Amelia: I’ve been paying more attention to the pockets in me where I am victim-y or feel separate or blame-y or practice the power of “not doing” or I withhold or don’t want to take responsibility. All that is in me… I am just getting better at catching it and making different choices.
Erik: Absolutely. There is a part of me that loves to come from a victim stance. Everybody else has to change, not me.
Amelia: I like it when we exaggerate our victim-y parts until it becomes funny.
Erik: You have SO many more victim-y parts than I do. (smiles)
Amelia: (semi-playful punch)
Erik: One thing I know for sure, is that from a victim stance, no one’s life changes in a more pleasurable direction. And you are moving in a more pleasurable direction all the time.
Erik: Gandhi said: Be the change you wish to see in the world. That is the stance of a Navigator. It is also the mindset of an alchemist, according to Catherine MacCoun.
Amelia: I love her. She says that by transforming our inner worlds, we transform the outer world.
Erik: That’s also a major tantric principle.
Amelia: Orienting to being a Navigator is big tantric alchemy!
Erik: Let’s share the victim-navigator diagram with everybody. Maybe they can make some use of it.
Here's a close up: